The Secret Thoughts of Lily Evans
by DawnStorm30
Summary: Lily's Diary is stolen. When James gets a hold of it and returns it to Lily, Lily decides that the only way for her to be ok with him again is for James to get a diary, pour his heart into it, and have it stolen so that Lily can read all of James' secret thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

**Lilys POV**

**6th year**

"Ooohh, he's kind of cute!" Alice said

"Yeah I guess-buzz cuts aren't really my thing" I told her.

"Well, what about him?" she asked, pointing to a tall guy who looked too old to be at Hogwarts, with curly blonde hair passing by our compartment on the Hogwarts Express.

"He looks 25 years old!"

"Come on Lily! You can't seem to be pleased!"

"No, I'm just not very interested in pursuing a relationship this year. We're half-way through term, and I've made excellent marks all year. I'm not going to ruin it by getting a boyfriend."

"Oh please!" said Alice, waving her hand in disbelief. "You haven't even bothered leaving this compartment! Nobody will be interested anyways, you just study. You're no fun!"

"I am too!"

"But you aren't!"

"Listen, Alice," I said, "I appreciate this and all, but I don't really want a boyfriend."

"That's what I thought too, before I met Amos! He's so perfect! Everytime I see him…."

After that I tuned Alice out. I knew everything she was going to say: how she and Amos Diggory would be together forever, how she hated leaving his side, how he loved her and told her everyday, blah blah blah. The only thing Alice ever talked about anymore was her beloved boyfriend, and quite frankly, it made me want to hit her. It wasn't Alice, it was Amos. He _was _kind and nice, and he really did care for Alice, but he treated her like dirt when his friends were around. He wouldn't talk to her or pay attention to her, and he often ditched her for his friends. Then, she'd come to me all upset, but within the hour she'd apologize to _him _for nothing. She couldn't even see what was happening.

People were interested in me. I was fun. I had a boyfriend last year. His name was George Abbott. We broke up because he thought I was cheating on him with James Potter, which was so untrue, but I had a feeling that Potter was behind it. I'd never told anybody but my sister Petunia about James, and all she did was scoff and murmur something about him probably being dirt poor and desperate, when she had it dead wrong.

James Potter could get any girl in the whole school to date him if he wanted to, and just about every time I saw him, he was charming some 5th year in the hall.

Everybody knew, of course. Everybody knew that James liked me because he never made any effort to hide it.

He screwed with people minds. He was arrogant, and rude, always in detention, his hair was always a mess, and he only wanted me because he couldn't have me.

"Are you listening to me?" Alice snapped, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yes." I lied.

"What did I just say?"

"Amos loves you and tells you everyday, he's perfect, you'll never break up." I recited.

"Oh." she said. "So, is there a reason you don't want a boyfriend? I mean, other than "studying"?" She made quotation marks in the air.

"No." I replied. "There isn't. And you're misusing those finger quotations. I really do study, it's not a euphemism."

"Not even because maybe you have a little crush on somebody else?"

"Nope." I told her. "Nobody here I'm interested in."

"Really?" Alice replied "Because I couldn't help but notice Severus kept glancing our way has we boarded."

"I know what your thinking, Alice, but I promise, me and Sev will only ever be friends"

"Mmhm..Well, he-"

She was cut of by a knock on our compartment door. It slowly slid open just a crack. It was Peter, one of the many, if not three, friends Potter had.

"Umm...Oh, hi Lily," he stammered "Ah, I was just wondering if I c-could sit here with you, there's no more room a-anywhere else. Y-You see, I boarded a bit late, we had to make an emergency trip to Diagon Ally, to get buy a new owl for me to send letters to my parents, you see, because I smothered mine last night by accident. I don't know why he was under my pillow in the first place! So-"

"Sure Peter, its fine." I said. Alice looked at me with a "He's crazy, let's not let the owl murderer be alone with us" look.

"Thanks! Come on in guys!" Peter shouted down the hall.

_Guys? _Well, didn't see that one coming-Stupid Lily! Never say yes to a Marauder! You say yes to one, you say yes to all!

In walked Sirius, Remus, Peter and Potter, all carrying their trunks.

"Hiya Lily!" greeted Sirius, shoving his trunk in the storage compartments.

"Lily, Alice! Great to see you two again!" Remus exclaimed.

"Great to see you again too Remus," Alice said looking annoyed, crossing her arms and glaring at me.

_Sorry_, I mouthed.

She nodded in acceptance of my apology, and scooted over for Sirius to make room for the four extra people in our compartment-They can hold 6 at most, but that means no leg room for us.

"Hey Lily," said James, putting his luggage up with the others. "Fancy seeing you here! Who knew Peter would find this compartment empty? What a coincidence."

"Yeah, big coincidence.." I muttered.

Peter plopped himself down next to me, which was a relief, because if Peter was there, Potter wouldn't be.

"Move ya lump!" James said to Peter, who quickly scooted over and made room for James.

Alice raised her eyebrows at this, but I ignored her. The last thing I needed was to have Alice smirking all day about how "James has a crush on Lily".

"So, Alice," Sirius said suggestively, "There isn't to much room in here. Wanna sit on my lap?"

"Got a boyfriend, Black." Alice replied.

"I don't think he'd mind if you were a bit courteous to our friends here, and gave them a bit more space" Sirius put his arm around Ali.

"Don't touch me Black, or I will make it both physically and scientifically impossible for you ever to have children!"

Sirius immediately pulled his hand back, and said "Don't be mean, Ali! Just trying to be thoughtful!"

James looked at me, "How's your crazy sister? Is she in therapy yet?" Sirius laughed.

"Excuse me?" I said, turning to him. "There is nothing wrong with my sister, and I pray you remember not to mention it to me again. Me and my sister may argue, but she is still my best friend in the world and you can mind your own business!" James stared at me for a moment longer, before looking at Sirius.

"Jeeze…" James said, looking at me. "Take a joke, Evans, you don't need to overreact."

"I don't appreciate my family being the butt of your horrible sense of humor."

It was silent for a few seconds.

"It's like you could cut through the sexual tension between them with a knife." Sirius muttered to Remus.

"I can hear you." I snapped.

Sirius held up his hands in defense.

James knows I'm insecure about my sister. He knows how she treats me, and he knows that even though she _isn't_ really my best friend in the world, she's still family.

Sirius and Potter seemed to be having a silent conversation. James head jerked towards me, and Sirius nodded.

"What is this?" asked Alice, gesturing to the two of them.

"Nothing," Potter said, "Sirius was just confused has to what the color red looks like, so I had to point him in the right direction," he said, referring to my startling red hair. .

"Oh Merlin, how much longer will this ride be?" I asked.

Potter looked at his watch. "About an hour and 45 minutes. And believe me, you aren't the only one who wants to get out of here."

"Good." I said through gritted teeth. "Your ego is making me claustrophobic."

"You know, maybe I don't mind. In fact, I was hoping we could get a little closer during this ride." he said, sliding his arm around my waist. And I have to say that felt pretty good. I didn't want him to take his hand away...Or no...Wait, yes I did, he was Potter, of course I wanted him to take his arm off me!

So I pried his hand off my body, and put it back on his lap.

"Sooo..." Remus said awkwardly.

"Yep.."

"Pretty cool..."

"Uh-huh.."

All four of the Marauders chimed in, making the situation even more awkward than before.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, until finally somebody broke it.

"I have to use the loo, " Alice said, standing up.

No! No Alice! Don't leave me here alone!

"Me too" Remus said, and Peter just got up and followed him without saying anything.

So it was me, Potter, and Black.

"So who's Alice dating?" Sirius asked. "Anybody interesting?"

"Amos Diggory." I replied.

"He still goes to school here?"

"Yeaahh…" I said with a "You're kidding, right?" look.

"Then where is he?"

"He's at a Heads meeting at the front of the train."

"Is he coming back?"

"Why are you asking so many questions, Sirius?"

"Just ...curious...Excuse me, I have to go to the front of the train."

What? This was planned!. I didn't care how hormonal Black was, he could wait until somebody else came back to keep me company to go pick a fight with Diggory.

"Wait-!" I called after him, but he was already starting down the hall

Another awkward few minutes went by in silence, and then I noticed that James hadn't moved from our smushed together position.

"James, you can scoot over now" I told him.

"You're right, I could."

"Take a hint, four eyes, that means scoot over now." I said shoving him. He chuckled and flashed a smirk at my pathetic shove.

"So Lily," he said, " What's going on between you and Snivilous? Noticed he was watching you this morning. Is he just possessive, or has he got a bit of a thing for you?"

"Neither. He doesn't have a thing for me, we're just friends."

"Well that's a relief. Thought maybe you were taken by some greasy haired git, who's never showered in his whole life."

"Hey!" I said defensively, "For your information, he'll never be more than a friend to me! Although the thought of dating him just to make you mad is convincing!" I was starting to raise my voice.

"Calm down, Evans." James said. "It's just a joke." He turned in his spot on the bench, one leg folded on the seat, the other on the ground.

"Yeah, well I don't find your jokes very funny."

"I thought you two didn't really talk anymore, after what happened last year."

"We don't."

"Then why do you defend him?" James asked.

"Because he still has feelings. You go around being arrogant and playing awful tricks on him, and it just makes you more rotten then you already are, while it makes him angry. One of these days he isn't going to take it anymore and knock you on your arse!"

James scooted closer, put his arm around my waist again, and pulled me towards him, "You know, Evans, I've grown up a lot in these three holiday weeks. Christmas can change a man. Maybe I won't play awful tricks, even on Sniv-"

"My name is Lily." I interrupted, looking him in the eye, and pulling away.

"-Ok, Lily." he said, pulling me back, " Maybe you need to cool down a bit. I bet a date with me would help..."

"No." I said bluntly.

I was so close to him now, he was whispering. He put his hand on my lower back, still whispering.

"You always say that, Lily, but I don't think you mean it. Maybe if you just gave it a shot, you'd find you like me.."

"Maybe if I could shoot you, I'd figure out I have a talent." I muttered

I could smell his breath now. It was minty and sweet. I was almost on his lap from how close we were. Why wasn't I pulling away? Just pull away Lily and this will all be over. The awkward silence would be preferable. So would being lost in the Forbidden Forest. Or being Peter's owl.

"Please Lily… Go on one date with me. I'll never bother you again, I promise...One measly trip to Hogsmede, that's all..."

His forehead met mine, and he said the same 9 words I'd been hearing since second year.

"Lily, will you go on a date with me?"

And then he kissed me. I didn't know what I was doing. I leaned into the kiss, and wrapped my arms around his neck, while his were around my waist again. Why did I continue to kiss him? I knew I was only leading him on, but I couldn't help it! He was such a good kisser, and I wanted him to kiss me.

NO. No, you don't.

Then why aren't you stopping?

"Helloooooo!"

We backed away from each other quickly, startled by the voice. It was Sirius. Thank goodness it wasn't Alice.

"Ahh, hi Sirius, we were just uhh.. well…" James stammered, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was.

Sirius laughed, and said, "Don't worry, I won't tell. Its about time you kissed him though Evans! The way he talks about you, I would have figured that he'd have gotten to that years ago!"

James and I looked at Sirius, and then I looked at James. He blushed and gave me a small smile.

"Don't say that much..." he muttered

"Oh sure! 'Lily this, and Lily that! Lily's so beautiful! I love Lily! Why wont she go out with me! I love her Sirius!'" He mocked in a high pitched voice.

"Oh is that your impression of James?" Remus said, walking in.

"Pretty accurate, right?" Sirius said, nudging Remus' shoulder.

"Uuughhhhh," James moaned in the seat next to me, putting his head in his hands, and looking embarrassed. Merlin, his face was redder than mine.

"Well, I don't think his voice is that high. Anymore."

The boys laughed at James' expense, and James looked like he wanted to punch them.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked, closing the door behind her has she came back to the compartment.

"I'll tell you later," I whispered.

"Soo...I just saw your boyfriend, Amos Diggory, Ali." Sirius said, once him and Remus settled down. "Seems like a prick if you ask me-"

"Well nobody did ask you, so back off a bit, ok? I like him, and he likes me. I'm not breaking up with him, not for anyone, but especially not for you."

"Fine, but when you two do break up, please come crying to me." Sirius winked at her.

Alice turned to me. "Lily, trade me spots." We both started to get up, when James grabbed my hand.

"Uuuhh...no, umm," He said looking at his hand, has if he was wondering what he had just done. "Ah, I mean, Remus will trade you spots, right Remmy? Besides, Alice, door seats are better."

"Um..Ok. I guess." She moved over to sit next to the sliding door, and gave me a look that said 'What the bloody hell just happened?'

I looked at James questioningly, and he just blushed and looked away.

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed, "Where's Wormtail?"

"Who?" Alice and I said at the same time.

"Peter!"

"I'll go find him," Remus said

Remus got up left the compartment.

"What was that all about?" Alice asked

"What was what all about?" Potter said

"Earlier when I came in! Everybody was laughing and no one will tell me why! We're you talking about me?"

"No, Alice, they weren't talking about you, don't worry," I reassured her

"Then what? And why can't I sit next to Lily?"

"Well, I can answer both those questions with one answer!" Sirius said, "You see, when I came back from talking to your prissy boyfriend, I walked in here to find Lily and James the middle of-"

"Arm wrestling!" I broke Sirius off. I would tell Ali later, but I didn't want to embarrass James anymore. I could tell that he was already going to have to deal with this when they got to the dorms, I didn't want Alice to be pestering him too. "And I won. Remus and Black just thought that was very humorous that James Potter got beaten by a girl. Although personally, I think he let me win."

"Oh… Oh yeah that's defiantly what happened." James chimed in

"Oh. I guess that's sort of funny..." Alice said, but I could tell she wasn't buying it.

James looked at me gratefully, and I gave him a faint smile. James looked at me again, and when I noticed it he grinned widely.

Suddenly, the train stopped. We were back at Hogwarts.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

James' POV

Ohmigod. I kissed her. I kissed Lily Evans.

The absolute most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life, and I kissed her.

The girl I have been crushing on since first year.

The girl I was so awful to because I was a terrible flirt when I was 12, and totally screwed up my chances with her for when I'm 16.

The girl who has loathed me for years while I have been swooning at her red hair, asking her out repeatedly, driving her crazy, and undoubtedly fighting with.

And she kissed me back.

She didn't blow me off or shove me away, she actually came closer and kissed me back.

And then Sirius had to come in at that exact moment a ruin it. I'd get him back for that later in our dorms, but for now we had to get off the train.

We were coming back from Christmas holiday, so all that meant was a feast and then off to the Common Room. I'd get to talk to Lily there, if not at dinner.

I needed to know what had happened, and how she saw it. I'd been in plenty of relationships in my 6 years here at Hogwarts, and I knew that when you kissed a girl she always thought that that meant you were an item. I needed to know what Lily thought.

Lily's different than other girls in this school, and she thinks differently too. So I knew that she may have not been expecting it, but since I'm such a better kisser than most guys she couldn't resist me. What if that's the case? What if she still hates me, and the answer will be no until we're in a nursing home? What if giant moths swoop down and eat us all and I never get to tell her how I feel like a gentleman instead of a total arse?

No, I was over thinking this again. I watched her leave the compartment and go down the hall. She had the best body, I wouldn't be surprised if I would have started drooling every time she walked away.

"C'mon mate! Your blocking the whole hall!" Sirius shoved me forward. I walked quickly away from the others, and caught up with Lily.

She was talking to Snivilous.

"Are you ok Sev?" She asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he answered

_Because your a greasy big nosed git that cant keep his eyes off my woman, that's why you wouldn't be ok._

"Well, its just that everybody tells me that you were glancing my way this morning on the train, and I was curious has to why you didn't come over and say 'hi'."

"Oh, uh, I- I just...umm...I didn't say hi because...I uh...Potter!"

I jumped at the sound of my name, but saw that he wasn't talking to me, he was talking about me.

"Yeah, Potter" he continued, "Potter was standing nearby, and I didn't want to be provoked and get you involved in that, so I decided I would just say 'Hi' on the train, but he was there too...and you umm...well you two were...""Oh." said Lily, " Your saw him grab my hand?"

"And other things."

"Severus, I don't know what your talking about."

"Listen, we'll talk later, ok? I have to go!"

He jumped on a carriage with some other kids from Slytherin and left her standing there in the middle of the road, completely alone. That prat! Leaving Evans for a bunch of Slytherins? The next time I saw him, I'd-

"James?"

I jerked at the sound of a girls voice, but I knew it wasn't Lily's. It was Alice.

"What?" I replied

"Lily couldn't beat a cat at arm wrestling. What actually happened?"

"Ok, ok, you got me. I let her win."

"Potter, Lily also cant lie to save her life. I don't believe one word of it. But if you hurt my Lily you can say good bye to your sex life."

"Alice," I said. "I would never hurt Lily. Nothing in the world would bring me to that."

Alice looked at me for a moment before saying, "Um. Ok, well that's a bit possessive and creepy, but I'll let it pass as cute. You aren't fooling anyone, James. Everybody knows. We just pretend not to." and then turned around join Evans. I grabbed Alice's arm.

"Wait!" I said. "You aren't going to tell her are you?"

"She knows." she said, giving me that 'Duh' look.

"Oh. Right." I said quietly, releasing her wrist.

She turned to head off again, but then stopped.

"James?" she said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be a stranger to her, ok? She won't admit it, but I think you're growing on her." and then she left.

I leaned against a tree and I watched Lily, saw her talking with Alice, heard my name once or twice and got a glance or two, but other than that I couldn't understand what they were saying. After a minute or two Amos wandered towards Alice, and said hello. He greeted Evans, and then he and Alice walked off, leaving Lily alone for the second time that night.

I decided to talk to her. Thoughts ran through my head as I walked towards her. What if she didn't want to talk to me? What if I had dirt on my face? What if she saw me and walked away, ignoring me?

"Hi, Lily," I said, my voice squeaking a bit. I'm not a shy person. When there are other people around, I'm James Freaking Potter. But, when it's just Lily, I'm entirely different. I don't know what it is, but I just don't feel the need to perform around her.

"Hi Potter."

"So listen, that was really nice of you to make up that story up about arm wrestling me, but I think I like the real story better." I grinned at her, and she smiled back.

It was quiet. She looked like she didn't know what to say, and kept staring at the ground.

"I think we should get to the castle now," she said.

"Can I carry your bag?" I asked her

"Sure," she said, handing it to me. Merlin, what does that girl carry around with her? Bricks? Herds of elephants? I pretended it wasn't that heavy, but it was hard to hide. How does she carry this thing from class to class?

"Heavy, right?" she asked me. She must have seen my shocked face when she gave me the bag.

"Psh no," I said, " Light has a quill!"

"So wher-"

"Why ar-"

We had started talking at the same time.

"You first" she said to me, and I watched her for a minute before talking. Her hair was swaying as she walked, and her green eyes wouldn't meet mine. She was just so beautiful.

"James?"

"Oh yeah...uh right, I was just going to ask if you were ok, you seemed a little upset. I saw you talking to Snape. Did he say something?"

"No...Well, yes."

I dropped her book bag. The thought of that slimy git saying something to upset Lily Evans made me want to punch a wall.

"Ow!" she yelled,

"What?"

"You dropped that on my foot!"

"Oh! I-I'm so sorry! I didn't see it!"

She sighed, but I could tell she was still hurt. I had noticed that she was a bit accident prone, but more often then not I wasn't the cause of the accident.

"Are you ok?" I asked

"Yeah, I guess." She stood up, and we started walking again.

"I'm really sorry, Lily," I told her again.

"It's fine," she said, but I was determined to make it up to her. She may not think that it was that big a deal, but I defiantly did.

"So, uh, what did he say?"

"Who?"

"Snivilous," I told her, "You said that he said something to upset you."

"Oh right. Well, he said that he saw you and me. In the compartment."

"Oh. About that...I was wondering...Well, you never answered me."

"What do you mean?" she said

"I asked if you would go on a date with me. You never answered me."

"Right. Well I… I don't know, James."

"What?"

"I-I have to go." she said, grabbing her bag off my arm, and running over to the nearest carriage.

"Wait! Lily!"

But she had gotten on, and it took off down the road.

I stood in the road for a moment, when Sirius and Remus caught up with me.

"Talking to your _giiirrlfriend_?" Sirius said, shoving me playfully."Shut up, mate." I told him"Well, if it makes you feel any better," said Remus, "she's totally into you.""What makes you think that?" I asked as we started walking towards the castle."She wrote it in her diary."I stopped. Her _diary_? "What diary?" I asked.

"This diary." said Sirius, pulling it out of his own bag. I jumped forward and grabbed it from his hand. "What are you doing with this?""I took it out of her bag!" laughed Sirius. "It's the best!""Yeah," Remus agreed. "She writes about you a lot."I started flipping through the pages, seeing how much was written. The whole thing was full, up until the last 20 or so pages.

_January 8We get back to school in 2 days! I'm so excited to get back. It's been exhausting. Petunia sucks. Honestly, I'm looking forward to going back. I hate to say it but I totally miss James' taunting. He's such a prick, but that's what makes him so cute. I don't like him he's I don't like I wish he weren't such a twat. See, if he was kinder, I might actually be into him, but since he's constantly torturing everyone who matters to me, it makes him way less attractive. I hate that. He acts so genuine when we're alone, but as soon as anybody else comes along, it's The Potter Show. Petunia asked about him the other day. She wanted to see a picture of him, and the only one I have is from the Christmas card he sent me with him and his family in third year. She said he was .I mean, yeah, sure, but just no._

Whoa.

"Isn't it great?" Remus exclaimed.

"We have to give this back, you know." I said, gesturing to it."Yeah, she'll realize it's missing when she goes to write in it tonight." Sirius said.

"Whatever," I told them. "I'll just give it back during the feast.""No!" they both shouted. "She'll know you read it!"

"I'll just tell her I didn't read it then.""She won't believe you."

I sighed. "I'll just sneak it up into her dorm tonight," said Sirius. "I'll fly my broom above the staircase."

"Do what you want, mate. But if she asks, NONE of us read this. Got it?" I said.

They nodded, and we continued walking.

We walked into Hogwarts for what felt like the hundredth time. I found Lily quickly, thanks to her deep red hair, and ran over to sit next to her before anybody else could take the place I had declared mine, leaving the rest of the Marauders behind.

Alice was sitting next to Emmiline Vance, and they were both sitting across from Lily, their heads leaned together. They were whispering. I had a pretty good idea what about. Alice glanced up for a moment, and saw me walking towards them. Lily groaned loudly and banged her head up against the table, causing her hair to fan out over the wood, which had not yet been set for the feast. Lily's book bag of cement was sitting on the floor next to her feet.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily groaned, her voice muffled a bit by the fact she was talking to a table.

"There's no where else to sit Lily Flower! This is the only place open."

Lily sat up and looked around the Great Hall. "Potter, there's no one here yet. At least half of our table is empty. So, you and your posse can just go sit elsewhere, ok?" she gestured to Padfoot and Moony, who'd caught up, while Peter was still nowhere to be found.

"Naahh, " I said, putting my own book bag down next to hers, taking the empty seat by her. She rolled her eyes, but didn't protest any further. Sirius and Remus sat down on either side of Emmiline and Alice.

"Where we're you on the train, Emmiline?" Sirius asked, looking over at her from the other side of Alice. "I was on hallway patrol. Second years always try to do some hazing to the first years on the train, so I was making sure that didn't happen."

"Sounds like fun," Sirius said sarcastically.

"So, Lily, " I whispered, putting my elbow up on the table, facing her. She was lovely. "Were you telling Emmy and Alice about what happened on the train?"

"What did happen on the train?" she asked,

"I kissed you, and you kissed me back,"

"No, I didn't tell them."

"So, does that mean I can't tell my mates?"

"Can't tell your mates what?" Moony asked, butting into our conversation.

"Nothing," Lily said too quickly.

Alice and Emmiline glanced at each other.

Sirius laughed his famous barking laugh, and said, "Oooohhhh, its about _that!_"

"Sirius knows and I don't?" Alice said.

"Well…yeah…he was sort of the one to walk in on that," Lily said sheepishly.

"Walked in on what?" Remus asked, "Your arm wrestling? 'Cause you already told us about that."

"Tongue wrestling's more like it, " Sirius muttered under his breath,

"WHAT?" Remus said so loudly that half of the school glanced our way. People were slowly filing into the Great Hall and seemed very interested in our business.

But there was no more conversation after that. Professor Dumbledore stood up to make his speech, which he made every time they came back from a holiday.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts!" he said, his voice echoing across the Great Hall, "I trust that you all had a very good holiday! I'd like to go over a few sets of rules once more incase you all forgot a few of them," He looked pointedly towards Padfoot, Moony, and I. We all looked down, pretending to be ashamed.

"No student is to go into the Forbidden Forest, without a teacher or staff member present. No student is to be out of bed after the 11pm curfew. No student is to venture to the third floor corridor. And, of course, no student should use magic to gain popularity, bully, or any other vanity of that sort. If any of you would like to know what the consequences are to breaking any of these or any other rules, simply seek out James Potter and or Sirius Black."

Sirius and I stood up, like we had every time he made that announcement. It was part of our punishment for bewitching Professor Slughorns cauldrons to dance.

"Let the feast begin," Dumbledore said raising his hands up. Stacks of food appeared before us on gleaming silver and gold plates, and everybody began to dig in.

"Hey," Moony said, his mouth full of chicken, "There's Wormtail. What's he doing?"

We all turned and looked to where Remus was looking. There was Peter, talking to two Slytherins. They were glancing around cautiously, making sure nobody was watching.

"What are they saying?" Lily asked, has if we knew.

"Beats me," I replied. "Since when does Peter talk to Slytherins?"

"Maybe he's begging them for the rest of their cheesecake." Sirius said, smirking.

Wormtail was looking everywhere, his eyes darting back and forth, not seeming to focus on anything. He seemed worried, and skittish. Finally his eyes landed on us 6, all watching curiously while the event took place. His eyes grew wide, and he stood up suddenly.

"Whoa, " Emmiline said, "Whatever he's doing, it must be something that would get him into some serious trouble. I've never seem him so….Peter-ish."

Peter said something to the Slytherins, then started nervously walking over to us.

"Heeeyyy, Peter.." Sirius said smiling, making Peter jump a little. "What was that all about?"`

"Nothing."

"Yeah whatever," I said.

"Emmiline, Alice," Lily said to her friends after they all got done eating, " I think I'm going to head up to the dorms. Want to go?"

"Sure" they said, standing up.

"I'll come with you!" I said hopping up.

"Actually, James," Sirius said, "We need to talk to in privet. It's kind of urgent."

"Oh," I said, disappointed. "Ok, yeah, I guess." I took one last look over my shoulder at Lily, before walking off with the guys.

We were headed back to the Gryffindor tower, all the way up on the 7th floor. Say what you will about Hogwarts, but there are hardly any fat people here. It's mostly because of the lack of elevators, but it also has to with the fact that you can get lost so easily, giving you excess exercise.

SMACK. Something hit my head. Hard. I felt a sudden tug on my left arm, and Sirius was dragging me into a secret passage way, Mooney and Wormtail crawling in and closing it behind us.

"What the hell!" I yelled, "Why'd you hit me!"

"I thought this would all be cooler is you were knocked out and then came to in here. You know, all mysterious and stuff."

"Well, you shot that horse in the face, didn't you?"

"Whatever, mate." Remus said. "So, what's all the stuff going on with Evans?"

"Oh," I said, blushing. I am sure doing a lot of blushing today…. "Well, it's not that big a deal, really, I jus-"

"He snogged her!" Sirius finished for me, pointing at me dramatically.

"Well!" Peter said, grinning. "It's about bloody time!"

"So, what does that mean?" Remus asked

"To be honest, I don't know. I asked her out again and she hasn't given me an answer, but she did snog me back. Alice says that she won't admit it, but she likes me, and that was sort of written in her diary. It's not really helping me if she doesn't admit it though."

"So just try again." Peter said.

"I've tried a hundred bloody times, mate! I'm starting to think she really doesn't like me. She wrote it about a bajillion times, while simultaneously giving me compliments about my looks."

"And the constant rejection, hatred, and insults didn't tip you off about that?" Moony asked.

"Oh, sod off!" I snapped. "Listen, I don't really want to talk about this, I'd like to leave now," I said, trying to crawl out of the passage, but was blocked by Wormtail and Moony and pulled back by Padfoot.

"Not so fast, mate!" Sirius said. "Can I give you some advice?"

"No."

"Persistence. She'll cave eventually, and when she does finally go out with you, she'll see what a great guy you are."

I just stared at him blankly for a moment. "Ok." I said, with absolutely no emotion in my voice. "I'm leaving now."

I shoved my way past them and crawled out of the passage. The Marauders crawled out after me.

"I'm going to go finish my dinner," said Peter.

"Here, I'll go with you. Better than being around James when he's in a mood."

I rolled my eyes. "You splitting too?" I asked Sirius.

"Actually, yes. I have a prior engagement that I'm fully committed to. Ta." he said, leaving me in the hall.

I was on my to the Gryffindor Common Room, when I heard a very loud "Damn!" coming from above me. I looked up and was greeted by none other than a shoe. Falling. Falling and landing on my face.

"Wahh!" I screamed, catching the shoe before it tumbled down the steps.

I looked up. Guess who.

"Hey, Evans!" I called up to her. "I think you dropped this!" I headed up the stairs towards her while she headed down.

"Sorry!" she said. "I was getting off a flight of steps and they changed while I was switching, so I jumped!"

I laughed. "Yes, I can see that." I said as we met in the middle of our two distances.

"Thank you," she said.

"Here," I told her, "Lift up your leg." I bet down and slid her shoe onto her dainty foot.

When I stood back up, she was looking down at her foot, slowly lowering it. "Thanks…" she said quietly.

"Where were you headed?" I asked. "You were going down, not up. Why are you leaving the tower?"

"Looking for Alice," she said. "She went missing after dinner, she just sort of disappeared. We have classes to prepare for in the morning."

"Well, may I escort you while you search for Miss Winters?"

"James, I don't really thin-"

"I insist." I said holding out my arm for her to take.

She laughed quietly, smiled, and then gave in.

We were quiet for a few moments, and then she spoke. "Why do you behave so differently when we're alone?" she asked.

Crap.

This was a question I had hoped she wouldn't ask.

I have a list.

It's right up there next to "Do you know what shampoo I use?" and "Have I ever given you a boner?"

I will only dignify one of these with an answer.

Yes. I do know what kind of shampoo she uses because Alice told me once at the beginning of 5th year. I didn't ask, it just came up in conversation.

That's all you're getting.

"I don't know." I lied.

"Seriously, James. Why?"

"I… I guess you just make me nervous."

"And how do I do that?" she inquired, but she never got an answer.

There was Alice. And Sirius. But what had happened to the space in between them?

Sirius and Alice were standing there against the wall, snogging each others heads off.

"Ahem," I coughed, but they didn't seem to hear me.

"Maybe we should just go back to the Common Room..." Lily whispered.

"Yeah, ok."

We walked away from that ghastly sight and made our way up to the 7th floor.

"That was a sin against nature," Lily said when we reached the portrait, then said the password. "Krumple Snout"

"Well, that won't last very long. Alice has a boyfriend anyways-Sirius will just pick up a new target in a week for so."

"Sound familiar?" Lily said

"Hey, I never stole another guys girlfriend-That's just wrong!"

"Yeah, well you have gone and done some prett-"

And she tripped in the entrance way.

She feel against me and I caught her. "You're just all over the place today aren't you?" I laughed, helping her up.

"No, it's my foot." she said, doing a sort of step-hop over to the couch in front of the fire. "It's been hurting really bad. Remember, you dropped my bag?"

Crap.

Crappidy-crap-crap.

"Oh, right." I said, sitting down beside her. "Here, give me your foot."

"What?" she said, looking at me strangely.

"My mom works at St. Mungo's. I might be able to help."

"Um…"She said, slowly lifting her leg up on the couch. "Ok."

I took off her shoe and examined her foot. It was just bruised, but the 'Just Bruise' was really bad. I grabbed my wand. "Accio Ice-Pack!"

We waited a moment until an ice-pack came buzzing in to the Common Room, just as someone opened the door. I put it on Lily's foot. She jumped a bit at the cold touch, but then relaxed.

"That feels great." she sighed.

I sat there then, one hand on her ankle, another in the middle of her foot. Her toes were painted blue with gold sparkles on them. She had pretty feet….

I stood up and got a pillow from a chair. I placed it under her foot, but because her foot was on the other couch seat, I sat on the rug next to the couch and by her. I leaned against the arm and closed my eyes, feeling the fire's warmth. I felt Lily's hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you." she said.

I turned my head and kissed her hand. Her finger's matched her toes. Blue with gold sparkles.

We heard laughing and looked up to see who it was.

Dang! I recognized that laugh. Way to ruin the moment-Again!

Sirius and Alice walked back into the Common Room, hand in hand, laughing hysterically.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Lily's POV

Jumping off the couch, and taking my ice-pack with me, I grabbed Alice's arm and dragged her up to the girls dormitory.

"What the hell?" she yelled

"'What the hell?'" I yelled back, "The hell is you have a boyfriend! You can't go around snogging every guy who comes onto you! Your lucky it was James and I who stumbled upon your little encounter, and not Amos!"

"I'm sorry, ok? I couldn't help it, I got lost in the moment!"

"Really?" I asked furiously, "Who else have you snogged senseless, hmmm? Who else are you having secret realtionships with behind your boyfriends back, because I'm pretty sure that's called cheating Alice!"

"Merlin, will you shut up? Your starting to sound like my mother! And don't you lecture me on secret relationships! You can't be mad at me when you and Potter 'arm wrestled' on the train!"

"What?" I asked, afraid she had seen me and James.

"Oh you know! Your a terrible liar Lily Evans, and the way Potter looks at you, it was bound to happen sometime!"

"At least I don't have a boyfriend!"

"Well it sure looks that way! Its not your place to tell me what a terrible person I am, so can you at least pretend you didn't see that?"

"Fine." I said, but I didn't mean it. I knew James was either congratulating Black or yelling his ears off, and I wanted to know what Blacks thoughts about all of this were.

"Good," she said. "So what happened exactly between you and Potter? I mean, I get the general idea, but..."

So, I told her everything. She seemed interested, and it was nice to get it off my chest, but I knew I would regret telling her. Everytime she see's me and Potter talk now, she's going to nudge me or smirk, and that would get old pretty fast.

Ali fell asleep on my bed, so I ended up taking hers. She slept with her whole closet on her bed, so it was pretty uncomfortable.

I was laying there in bed, thinking about the events of that day, when I heard a crash from downstairs in the Common Room. Why would somebody possibly be up at this time of night? I look at my watch-Its was 1:24 am. Why was I even up this late? Normally I went straight to sleep. I guess I had a lot to think about that day, seeing has I snogged a boy I've never had feelings for and my best friend cheated on her boyfriend, while my foot was also killing me.

I crawled out of bed and crept quietly downstairs.

I looked out into the Common Room and saw people who didn't belong there.

Slytherins.

And not just any Slytherins.

Severus and Mulciber.

How did they get into our Common Room? How did they get the password? How did they even know where it was?

"Merlin, Mulciber, shut up!" Severus hissed. "Your going to get us caught!"

"We won't get caught Snape!" Mulciber whispered back, picking up the pieces of the figurine that he had knocked over. That must have been the crash I'd heard before.

"Are you sure no one is awake? If somebody hears us we'd be working in the Forest for months has detention!"

"I've done this before, Severus, has long has we're careful we won't be caught."

"Real careful, you're being there! If someone hears..."

"No one will!"

"Which side is the Boys Dormitories?" Severus asked Mulciber.

"Left," Mulciber said has he walked closer to the staircases, "I can smell the girls perfume coming from the other side,"

The both of them snuck up the stairs and turned at the Marauders dormitory. Mulciber opened the door quietly and moved aside has to let Severus go in first.

"What do you think you're doing?" I finally spoke up startling them both. Mulciber jumped and, on reaction, Severus shouted, "Stupify!"

I flew backwards and hit the wall. I fell to the ground with a loud thump. Severus shouting the spell must have woken James and the rest of the Marauders, because at once they all came running out of their dorm, all in their boxers, and Remus in his robe. James took one look at me, turned to Severus, and punched him square in the face. Snape stumbled backwards and ran into Mulciber who fell over.

Sirius stunned the both of them, while Peter just stood around looking surprised.

James ran over to me and helped me up off the ground. By this time people had started running out of their dormitories to see what all the noise was about.

Severus and Mulciber began to run over to the portrait, but Remus and Sirius caught them. Severus glanced at me nervously a few times, but after that he wouldn't meet my eye.

"What the hell are you doing?" screamed Potter, "What, are you trying to ambush us? That's pretty manly for slim ball twat such as yourself! And stunning a girl-?"

"He didn't stun me on purpose! It was a reaction!" I spoke up, rubbing the swelling bump on the back of my head.

"Reaction! Your actually defending him, the greasy twat!" James yelled. He turned to Severus, "If you ever touch her, or even look at her again, I'll AK you, I swear I will!"

Alice ran down the stairs from our dorms, saw what was going on, and knelt down beside me.

"Are you ok?" she whispered,

I nodded. Meanwhile, James was still having a go at Snape and Mulciber.

"-You foul, greasy prick! Don't you ever-"

"Excuse me?" Severus broke in, "Me, a prick? That's pretty rich from somebody who cant even look at her without drooling!" He pointed at me, and I blushed.

"Speak for yourself, you prat!" James yelled back,

"I saw you two today, on the Express! You couldn't keep your hands off of her! You must be desperate to want to go out with Evans, although I'm sure it would be nice to complete your collection of dating every girl at this bloody school!"

"Hey!" Alice yelled, walking over to Snape, shoving Potter aside. "Don't you ever talk about Lily like that!" Alice said firmly, "Your pathetic, and weak! Calling James desperate? If he's so desperate to get Lily, then tell me why your going after the same girl! You pompous twat!" Alice smacked him.

Just about the whole Gryffindor House was out of their dorms by now, watching has this fight progressed. Alice turned around and walked back to my side. James looked at me, and then turned to Snape.

"Get out!" he screamed, "The next time is see you Snape, I'm going to stun you into next week!"

Mulciber and Sev turned around to run out of the Common Room, and just outside the portrait hole stood McGonagal.

"What is going on here?" she said walking in, pushing the two boys back inside.

Remus spoke up, "Those two were sneaking into our dorms to ambush us, and Lily caught them. Snape stunned her."

"Is this true?" McGonagal asked Mulciber,

"No, not a word! They're lying!"

"No, they're not!" Alice said, kneeling next to me, " If James and the others hadn't come out here, you would have done worse!"

"Gentlemen, " McGonagal said firmly, "Detention everyday for the next 2 months. Report to my office after lunch tomorrow afternoon," She grabbed the two boys by the arm and dragged them out through the portrait hole.

James looked at me and walked over. He held out his hand, and I took it, pulling myself up.

"Thanks James, th-"

"How can you still defend him? He stunned you! He said I must be desperate to go out with you!"

"I know, and I just can't help but defend him. Old habits die hard."

"Yeah. Sorry I yelled. Are you ok?" he said, putting his arm around my waist and pulling my arm around his neck to support me. "Your foot must hurt. Let me see your head."

I turned.

"It's not too bad. I'm glad you're ok, though." he said, kissing me on the cheek.

I'm not really sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, he did just bad ass Severus into oblivion.

On the other, he's so ignorant that if I pull away now it may deflate his head a bit, which would be like community service.

Oh well. I guess the community will have to wait.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

James' POV

Here I am. Sitting in History of Magic. Literally dying of boredom.

Miss Evans was sitting in front of me, so I could stare at the back of her head without it looking too conspicuous.

Although, it might actually look conspicuous. Two girls were giggling and pointing at me, and I heard Lily's name.

Quickly tearing off a piece of parchment, I scribbled down a note and passed it to Lily.

**Hello, Evans ;) **

**What do you want?**

**A date with you at Hogsmede this weekend.**

**Not gonna happen**

**Even after I saved your life?**

**You didn't save my life**

**Then I bet those girls behind me would want to go**

She turned, and glanced at the girls

**Yeah. I bet their type is prick. Ask away, you're so right for them.**

Ok. Maybe I will ask them. I mean, if she isn't interested, why shouldn't I be able to have a good time this weekend, right?

Right?

I turned around. "Hey, girls." I said, flashing a charming smile.

They giggled.

Why do girls do that? It's so annoying!

One more reason to love Lily.

Except I'm mad at her right now.

"So, I was thinking," I said, making sure Lily could hear, "I don't have a date to Hogsmede this weekend. I would much rather go with two lovely ladies than just one. What do you say?"

They giggled out an okay. Seriously, giggling out words is the most annoying way to speak.

Maybe that wasn't the best move. Girls probably don't like it when you're all over them and then hit on other girls…

Oh well. What's done is done.

Flashback to 1st year

Lily's POV

Ohmygosh…. Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!

I'm going to Hogwarts.

I'm seriously doing it.

It's seriously real!

I had just said goodbye to my mum and dad and Petunia, and was boarding the train. I was walking around, feeling totally stupid, and looking for an empty compartment. I had boarded a bit late, as we couldn't find the entrance very easily.

I finally found a compartment with some space in it. I'm a shy person, so this will be awkward. As I opened the door to poke my head in and ask if I could join them, I dropped my luggage.

Crap.

Everyone looked up at me and started laughing to themselves, but even worse-I dropped my luggage while a kid with curly, dark hair and glasses was walking behind me. My first 5 minutes and I'd already managed to break someone. He stumbled and his glasses fell off.

"Umph!" he said as he hit the floor.

"Oh!" I gasped. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me help!" I said as tried to help him pick his belongings up.

"Watch where you're going next tim-" He stopped after he looked at me. It was probably just my hair. It was so red, so abnormally red and very bright. He just looked at me for a moment, then he went on with his gripping.

"Honestly, look around you next time you feel like throwing your things on the ground!"

"I said I was sorry." I said flatly, not quite believing what I was hearing. If he was in my family, my mom would have smacked him before he could take another breath.

"Well, sorry isn't going to do anything about it now!"

He grabbed his things and left with a huff.

"Hey," I heard. I turned to my right. One of the girls in the compartment had come to the door. "You can come sit in here if you want." she said sweetly.

"Oh, thanks," I said.

"Here, I'll help you with your luggage," said one of the boys.

"Thank you." I said again.

"I'm Marrissa, half-blood." said the girl. "Are you a first year?"

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm a second year. This is Chris, half-blood." she said, gesturing to the boy putting my luggage up in the storage compartments. "He's a third year."

"I'm Alice," said one of the other students sitting in the compartment. "I'm a first year too, pureblood."

"Hi," I said. "I'm Lily. Lily Evans."

They looked at me for a moment like I was supposed to say more, and when I didn't, Marrissa, who also had red hair but it was more orange than anything, had a look of realization on her face. "Oh! Are you a muggle-born?"

"Um… I think so."

"Both of your parents are non-magical?"

"Oh, yeah."

"That's cool! I wish I hadn't grown up with all the magic. It would make it even more special going to Hogwarts." she sat down, and once Chris was done with my luggage he sat with her.

"You can sit with me," Alice said.

I sat down, but didn't really say anything. It was quiet for a few moments, then Marrissa spoke up.

"Who was that boy out there?"

"I don't know," I told her. "He was really rude though,"

"That was Alan Potter's son. I don't know his name though, but I've heard a lot about him." Chris told us as he shoved my luggage into the already crammed compartments.

"Like what?" Alice asked

"Just simple things. You know, like he's arrogant and rude. That kind of stuff."

"All of those words seem to fit the description," I said, getting more comfortable with this group.

James's POV

Boarding the Hogwarts Express. I'd been ready for this for years. I'd bet within my first week here I'm top of my class. This will be a synch.

I was all too ready to get on board. I quickly said goodbye to Mum and Dad, then hurried on board, dragging my luggage behind me. As I'm trying to find an empty compartment, I come across a boy sitting by himself. That seems like as good a place as any to settle down.

"Mate," I said, sticking my head in the door. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Sure, that's fine." he said. "But there isn't any room for luggage. Some kids came and stored theirs in here and left."

"Oh," I said. "Well, I'll just go find a place for mine and then I'll be back."

I closed the door and headed down the hall. Empty compartments, empty compartments….

Too busy doing my search, I didn't realize that I was about to walk into someone. Their trunk was stuck out a bit from the compartment they were headed into. But I didn't, so I did. I tumbled down, glasses going askew on my face, and my trunk falling open on the floor.

"Omph!" I went, hitting the ground.

"Oh!" someone gasped. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me help!" He tried to help me pick up my things, and I let him. It was his job, he knocked them over.

"Watch where you're going next tim-" I stopped mid-sentence after adjusting my glasses.

Wow.

Not 'he'. 'She'

And what a dish.

And that was some crazy hair. It's so….So red.

Realizing I was staring, I quickly covered my tracks.

"Honestly, look around you next time you feel like throwing your things on the ground!"

"I said I was sorry." she said, sounding shocked at my behavior.

Actually, I was too. You aren't supposed to treat girls like this.

"Well, sorry isn't going to do anything about it now!"

I grabbed my things and hurried off.

James' POV

6th Year

It's about midnight on a Friday, so there isn't anything to do but wait until Hogsmede tomorrow.

It's very exhausting.

Remembering the way I met Lily Evans, it's not hard to see why she didn't like me. I was a prick. And I was a prick until about 26 hours ago, when I read that she hates it. I'd do anything to get her to date me. _Anything._ It would be easier to know what to do though if I could just read that Diary. We aren't even sure if she knows it's gone missing yet, but she'll notice sooner or later.

I haven't let myself read it. I'm going to marry Lily Evans one day, but it'll be a much longer trip if I invade her privacy and any trust she has for me is damaged.

It's so hard to do that though when Remus and Sirius are over on Sirius' bed reading the Diary, cover to cover.

I tried to get them to stop, I really did. Letting my friends read her deepest darkest secrets isn't any better than reading them myself.

"Hey, James?" Sirius said from his bed. "Who's Petunia?"

"Lily's sister."

"Psh…" Remus shook his head. "Bitch."

A few more silent minutes went by so I pulled out my homework. Might as well get a head start.

A few more minutes and then some laughter.

It was quiet a bit more, and then they started up again.

They weren't only laughing. They were doing all forms of laughing. Giggling, chuckling, barking, weezing, chortling, coughing, rolling on the ground, smirking.

Laughing, laughing, laughing.

"Ha!" Sirius laughed, AGAIN. "That is priceless!"

"Merlin!" I shouted, sitting up. "What is so funny?"

And before I knew it they were reading everything to be, before I could say no, and before I could stop them.

"Look!" Remus said, laughing even harder. "She said _'James is a prick. He's like a thorny rose. He looks gorgeous, but if you get too close you get stabbed in the back!'_! I mean, I don't know how she picks rose's, but I don't look at one and think "Hm, that's pretty, I should lay down on it!". Whadda dork!"

"Hey!" I threw a pillow at Remus, getting him to shut up. "Don't read me anymore. I don't want to know what she wrote." I lied back down on my bed, arms supporting my head.

"Oh, don't you?" Sirius smirked. "Here. Wouldn't you like to know what she said in her 4th year? That _'James turned into a sexy monster over the summer. It's like when we left he was cute, but when we came back he was like BAM! I'm gorgeous!'"_

"Stop!" I yelled, turning over, my face in the sheets.

"Or that in March of 5th year she said "_I've about had it with Potter. Today, he asked me out again, only this time he "accidentally" knocked me to the ground and fell on top of me. He was on top of me when he asked me out! We'll that's it! He can't just look at me with those hot eyes and put his fabulous body all over me and expect me not to do something about it! All I want to do is drag him into a broom cupboard and snog him like crazy! But no, he can't know I like him. He'll just act MORE like a dick."_

"Ooohhh!" Remus teased. "Lily loves James! Lily loves James!" he sang.

"Shut up!" I screamed, pulling my pillow over my head.

"'_The only way I could ever like James is if he'd shape up, clean up, and treat people with respect! But I don't like him."'_

I lunged at Sirius, tackling him, struggling to get the Diary out of his hands.

"Give it here!" I yelled.

"No!" he shouted back. "I only have 6 months left! That's the last six months!"

I stopped struggling. I had to admit, I didn't care too much what she thought about me in 4th year as much as now.

"Here," Remus said. "How about, James, you let Sirius read the last 6 months, but tell him to stop every few minutes, just so you can say you tried. Then, you'll give then Diary back to Lily yourself, say you didn't read a thing, because you didn't, and then come back here and Sirius will tell you everything."

I paused.

"That could work," I said.

"Ok, then leave me be!" Sirius said, dramatically waving his hands at me. "Oh, and by the way, James. I totally just read you the answer to getting Lily."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lily's POV

"Alice!" I shouted from the dorm.

Alice came out of the bathroom brushing her teeth and her hair wet from her shower.

"Yeah?" she said, slightly muffled by the toothpaste in her mouth.

"Have you seen my diary?" I asked, checking under the beds.

"You had it on the train." Alice told me, like I didn't already know that. I had dropped it in the compartment before the boys came in and we shoved it back into my bag.

"Yeah, but where is it now?" I was panicking. If somebody found that diary I was screwed. I had written so much about James and the Marauders, and Alice when I was in fights with her. So much about my sister, the teachers, my hormones!

"Have you looked in the Common Room?" Alice said, walking back into the bathroom to rinse her mouth.

"No, I'll go check." I hurried downstairs as fast as I could with my foot still healing.

I looked around at the kids in the Common Room. Nobody seemed to be reading it. So far, so good.

I ran to check under the couch by the fireplace where James and I had sat just days before. No luck.

"Lily!" I heard. I turned. It was James.

And he was holding my diary.

"James!" I shouted, running over to him. "You stole my diary!"

"No!" James said, taken aback.

"Well, where'd you get it?"

"The train!"

"Oh." I said. "It must have fallen out of my back again."

"It's fine." he said. "It happens to everyone."

"You didn't read it did you?" I asked, worried.

"No," he said casually, handing the book to me and putting his hands in his pockets. "I didn't read it, but you do have lovely handwriting."

"So you read it?" I asked, getting angry again.

"No, Lily, I didn't. But, I did have to open it to see who's it was. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere, love." he said, taking my hand.

"Well, thanks." I said.

"Lily," James took my other hand, which still had the diary in it, and started swinging our hands back and forth. His skin was soft and warm. He looked at me.

"You're beautiful, Lily."

I smiled.

"Do you want to go sit down?" I asked, sliding my hand off his cheek.

"Yeah." he said.

We sat down where we had earlier that week; in front of the fire. It was a two seat couch, but you could fit three comfortably. Instead of sitting by the other arm of the couch, I sat right next to James. He put his arm around me and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"How's your foot?" he asked.

"It doesn't hurt as much anymore. The ice helped with the pain that night though, but I have to walk on crutches outside because of the slopes; she doesn't want me to slip."

"Do you like me?" James asked.

Well.

That was abrupt.

"Why?" I asked, lifting my head off his shoulder and looking at him.

"Ok, Lily." he said, turning in his seat. "I didn't read your diary. But, Sirius did."

I opened my mouth to shout at him, but he cut me off.

"Sirius read it." he said. "I tried to get him to stop, I really did! I even tackled him! He kept reading though, and really Lily, I did, I begged him not to, because I didn't want to hear any of it, and I wanted you to trust me. So, then he started reading stuff out loud, but he only read stuff from 4th and 5th years, nothing from 6th, I promise,-"

I groaned, leaning my head against the back of the couch, shutting my eyes tight. This was NOT happening. And boy, was he talking fast!

"-and he read me stuff he thought I'd want to hear, because frankly, Lily, I've been a wreck this past week! It's so hard to be around you when you always look pretty and I'm not with you, and then we kissed and you still said no! I've kissed a lot of girls, and not one of them has ever kissed me like you did! So, even though I didn't want to hear it, I did. It was all stuff like, 'James is so great and handsome, but I don't like him'. They all ended like that! "But I don't like him!" You say things that I say about you and I DO like yo-!"

"James!" I shouted lifting my head off the couch.

Good, he'd stopped talking.

"Yeah?" he asked nervously.

I'm going to punch a wall, I thought.

"Ok, listen." I said calmly, sitting in the same seat, right next to him, but turned in my seat towards him. I put my hands on his knee. "I'm not mad. It seems like something you and Sirius would both do, except you didn't do it. That shows me that you've matured a lot, and I'm ready to take this relationship to the next level."

"Really?" he grinned.

"Yes." I said, trying not to giggle too much at his cheeky grin.

"So, what's that mean?" he asked excitedly.

"It means that you may write your own diary, pour your heart and all of your secret thoughts into it, and I get to read it."

His grin left his face.

He sighed. "Not cool, Evans."

"Sorry, kid, you deserved it." I said patting his leg and standing up.

"You know what, Evans?" he said, handing me my diary off the couch.

"What?" I asked.

"That was pretty funny." he said smiling.

As I walked back to my dorm, I couldn't help but smile to think that he really had matured.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

James POV

She left me sitting there on the couch, alone with my thoughts. This could all work out, I thought.

I headed back upstairs to the dorms.

I expected to me slammed with everything Lily had said in her diary, Remus asking how it went, and Peter being a doufus, but instead was greeted by Frank Longbottom.

"Uh," I came in closing the door slowly behind me. "Hi Frank."

"Hey, James." Frank waved. He was sitting at the end of Peter's bed, his hands in his lap.

"Um," I said, unsurely. "Can I help you?"

"Ok, Frank! Found it!" Sirius called from the hall.

Sirius came in the door and handed Frank a pile of papers.

"So, that should help." Sirius said, sitting down next to me, who was sitting across from Frank on Sirius' bed.

"What is that?" I asked

"Well, Longbottom here needed some advice about women, so I gave him the book that I wrote on women."

"You wrote a book on women?" I didn't remember that.

"Chapter 1," Frank read out loud. "Chocolate." Frank looked up at Sirius. "There's only one thing written here. It says "Give her chocolate", and then goes onto Chapter 2."

I laughed. "So what do you need advice about, Frank?"

Frank was the youngest in our year, but still a 6th year. He was 15 still, but would turn 16 in May. Despite his young age, he was one of the tallest in our year too. He'd been our dorm mate for 3 years, but there were too little of people in another room so they moved Frank.

"Well, here's the thing." Frank said, putting the "book" on the bed beside him. "I really _really _like this girl, but she has a boyfriend. I don't want to come on too strong or anything because he's bigger than me, but she flirts with me all the time so I can't really tell if she wants me to make a move or not."

"Psh," Sirius waved his hand. "Been there!"

"What should I do?" asked Frank.

"Can I ask who this girl is, Frank?" I asked.

"Well, you can ask, but I won't tell." he said, blushing.

"Just be a good friend and be a gentleman and eventually, when her and this guy break up, she'll need a friend. You'll be there for her and you can hold her and she'll be so grateful for you. Then, about 2 or 3 weeks after they've been broken up, start buying her things. See if she wants to go to Hogsmede, but only as friends, ect."

Wow. Where'd all that come from? I hadn't even taken that advice myself!

"I'll try that, I guess. Thanks guys. I'm gonna go do some homework, so I'll catch you later."

"Bye Frankie!" Sirius called as Frank left the room. "He's a nice guy." Sirius said.

"Yeah," I replied, getting up and taking off my shirt to get ready for bed.

"So what happened with Evans?" Sirius asked.

"I told her you read her diary. I just couldn't lie to her. It's all good though, she's not that angry."

I told Sirius about what had went down and in the end, Sirius was upset that I ratted, but he said he understood.

"So where are Pete and Moony?" I asked, brushing my teeth.

"I don't know. Went to prank somebody, I suppose." Sirius flipped through pages of his "book" that Frank had left here. Wise choice.

"Mate, I'm a genius. This is the best book in the world."

"Good for you." I said, not really listening.

"I'm going to go get something to eat from the kitchen." Sirius said, putting his robe on over his pajamas. "Want anything?"

"No, thanks." I said.

About 20 minutes passed and it was way too quiet. The quiet that is present before something happens, like when a tornado is about to hit and everything gets still.

Of course, it was right about then that I heard the first scream. And then another. And another. I jumped out of bed, grabbed my wand and opened the door. There were girls in towels and their pajamas running from the girls dormitories.

Funny, I thought. I don't remember going to sleep, because the only time this would ever happen would be in a dream.

Lily was running in her pajamas up the stairs to my dorm. Lucky for me, she sleeps in shorts and a tank-top.

She ran right past me, and didn't turn around until she was all the way in the back of the room.

"What happened?" I asked, shutting the door and rushing over to her.

She was holding her heart, which was thumping so loud I could almost hear it.

"Somebody bewitched all the faucets in the girls dorm. Instead of water, you get snakes and mud." She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor.

"Are you ok?" I asked, sitting down next to her.

She looked at me, her big green eyes tired looking, but wide awake.

"James, there are snakes slithering all over the Tower. Some girls actually got bit, and you're asking if I'm ok?"

I nodded.

She smiled and shut her eyes. "Well, I am. Thank you for asking."

"Were you asleep?"

"No." she said, opening her eyes and looking at me. "I was rereading my diary to see what I'd written."

"And?"

"And you really are a good guy. You know, underneath your arrogance."

I smiled. "You can lie down if you want." I said, gesturing towards my bed.

"Potter, I wasn't born yesterday."

"No, I'm serious." I said laughing. "Lie down."

Lily looked at me suspiciously, but got up and crawled into my bed.

See, this is usually the part where I wake up in my dreams. The part I never actually get to experience. The part where Lily gets in my bed. Somehow, though, I don't want to try anything. She's here, and I want her to stay, but I'm not going to violate her.

After about an hour of me doing late night homework, I looked up to see Lily sleeping. She's always stunning, but she looks so innocent when she sleeps. I put my things down on the floor and go over to her. I don't want to wake her, so I tip-toe. Kneeling down by the bed, I can see that she is absolutely asleep. Her mouth is slightly open, her head is dead-weight. I kiss her on her forehead and she stirred a bit.

"…James.." Lily said.

"Yeah, Lily?" I asked.

"…James…Get…Get hairy…"

Great. She was sleep talking. "Hairy? Why do you want me to get hairy?"

"…..Get him for me….I love you…"

"Get hairy for you? Why, Lils?"

Lily started twisting and stirring on the bed. She made little sounds, and occasionally would call for me. I didn't know what to do. Nightmares pass, and you eventually wake up, but this nightmare had to have been bad, because she started to sweat and cry. If she woke up, she'd leave. Whatever. I'd been telling myself that I'd marry her one day, and she'd need me to protect her, even in her dreams.

So, like an idiot, I woke her up.

"Lily?" I said softly, scooting her over while she stirred. I shook her a bit. "Lily, wake up."

She screamed and sat up straight, knocking me off the bed. She looked at me and started to cry, so I got up to sit on the bed and pull her on my lap. She laid her head against my chest and cried.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I was genuinely curious. First off, why should I get hairy? Second, Lily Evans dreams about me! Third, she said 'I love you'! Yay!

"I don't even know! I don't even know what happened!" she sobbed.

"Well, tell me about it." I said, holding her closer.

"You were there." she chocked out. " And-and there was a baby, and *sob* he was playing in the living room of this house. He *sob* was playing with your wand! Then something happened and you got scared. You *cry* got scared and somebody was trying to get in the house. I told you to give me the baby, and *weep* then whoever was trying to get in killed you and me and the baby. He A. us!"

Oh.

_Harry._

Not 'hairy.'

Duh.

"Did the baby have a name?" I asked.

"I don't remember."

"Was it Harry?"

She stopped crying for a moment. Lily looked up at me. "How did you know that?"

"You talk in your sleep." I said.

Her eyes widened. "What else did I say?"

"You said Harry a lot. You told me to get Harry. And, you know other stuff."

"Like?"

"Like, give me Harry, and James, get him for me, ect., ect."

"Oh." she'd calmed down quite a bit. "James?"

"Yes?"

"Can I stay here? Can I sleep here tonight?"

"Yeah, of course." I said. "But, expect a ton of crap from the guys when they get back."

"Where'd they go?"

"To get food. They've been gone for a couple hours. They'll be back soon."

Lily hesitated. "Ok."

"Ok? You mean you're staying?"

"Sure. Just don't try anything. Promise?"

"Promise." I said.

She held out her pinky finger.

I looked at her. "Really?"

She nodded and waited patiently. I took her pinky with mine and rolled my eyes. "Do you trust me now, or do I have to slit my wrists?"

"Not yet." she said, snuggling down on the bed. She was on her side, facing the door, and I was on my back.

"James?" she said, again.

"Yes, Lily?"

She turned and pulled my right arm around her. She snuggled into me, and quickly fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

James' POV

"Yeah, Prongs! Get some!"

Startled, I opened my eyes. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were standing over me, grinning like idiots.

"What?" I asked groggily.

Lily moved under my arm.

Wait.

Lily?

And at that point, that night's events came rushing back to me.

"What's going on?" she asked, opening her eyes tiredly. "Oh, Merlin!"

Sirius was on the ground laughing, Remus and Peter were supporting each other, and I just dug my head in my pillow, embarrassed.

Lily climbed out of my bed (never thought that I'd actually get to say that), and quickly hurried towards the door.

"Wait!" I called, hopping off the mattress and running towards her. "Don't go!"

"James, I'm really sorry, but this was a mistake." she said opening the door and stepping outside. I walked out after her and closed the door behind me.

"Lily?" I said, confused. "What's the matter? What do you mean this was a mistake?"

"James, I shouldn't have stayed here." she said, running a hand through her long hair.

"Why not?" I asked, taking her hand.

"No," she said pulling her hand away. "You don't really like me, James. You chase me because you can't have me. I keep you entertained, and the moment I were to say yes to you, you'd get bored and leave."

"What?" I asked. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Yes! That's what I think!"

"But I'm better than that, Lily! And this wasn't a mistake! Lily, you know that whatever you say or do, I'll never stop. You do know it, don't you?"

"There isn't anything to know, James!" she shouted. "Don't you get it? I don't like you!"

"Then, what?" I asked. "Then, you just dream about us being together and our child? You know that's what happened, Lily. You may not admit it, but you know that it was you and me and our baby in your dream. Your subconscious can see it, why can't you?"

"It was just a dream! It doesn't mean anything! And it wasn't our baby! "

"Do I mean anything?"

She was quite and wouldn't meet my eye.

"Lily?" I pressed. "Don't you care about me?"

She was still quite.

"Lily." I said, shutting my eyes tight. "Do I matter to you?"

"Yes!" she finally shouted. "Yes, you matter to me, and yes I care! But I'm tired of you! I'm tired of the way that you act in public towards me, and I'm tired of your persistence and I'm tired of you chasing other girls to annoy me."

"That's not why I do that." I said quietly.

"Then why?"

I hesitated. "I do it…because I want to make you jealous. At first it was to bother you and let you know that I didn't need you, but now it's just…just to get your attention."

"Oh."

"I just want you to know, Lily, that I don't think it was a mistake. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Well, uh…I'm going to go back now and leave you alone. I won't talk to you anymore, if that's what you want. Bye, Lily."

I turned around and walked back into my dorm, shutting the door again. I leaned against the door and sighed.

I. Am. An. Idiot.

"Oi, Prongs?" Sirius teased. "What happened? She dump you?"

"No, Padfoot, that couldn't happen, could it?" Remus laughed. "They were never dating. Unless sex is dating, in which case, they're practically married!"

"Shut up." I snapped. "We didn't have sex. She was scarred so I was there for her."

Sirius laughed. "Was she scarred she'd be a virgin for forever, because in that case, yes Prongs, yes you were there for her."

The three of them laughed. Pulling my wand out of my dresser drawer, I took three steps towards Sirius and pointed the wand right at his neck.

"Whoa!" Sirius screamed, holding his hands up. "What are you doing?"

"Take it back!" I screamed. "Take it back!"

"Take _what_ back?" he shouted.

"Prongs, put the wand down!" Peter shouted at me.

"James, are you mad?"

Slowly, realizing that I was threatening to harm my best friend, I lowered the wand.

"Sorry, mate."

Sirius nodded, putting his arms down.

"Wow." Sirius said, relaxing. "I guess that a red-heads temper is contagious. Tell me James, do the carpets match the drapes?"

I punched him. I punched him right in the jaw. He flew onto the bed.

"What the hell!" shouted Sirius, standing up.

"Don't!" I yelled. "Do _not_ talk about her like that! Don't you talk about her like she's some sex object!"

"James, why don't you go into the hall?" Remus suggested. "Calm down a bit?"

Without saying anything, I turned to go to the hall, grabbing a notebook and quill as I left. I walked down the steps to the Common Room, sitting down at a table. I quickly wrote down the date and started writing.

I wasn't going to be talking to Lily? Fine.

She'll still have to listen to me one way or another.


End file.
